I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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