True but thats because hes a fetus.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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