sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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