Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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