Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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