Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
