I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
