so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
