he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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