i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
