I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize