fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
