i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
