I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
