He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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