i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
