Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
