His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
