you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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