do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
