Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
