Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
