Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
