I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
