i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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