Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
