can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
