Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize