when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
