not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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