your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
