New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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