I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
