I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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