she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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