it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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