wat bout pragnant strippers??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize