Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
