I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
where are my eyebrows?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
