Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
