im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
