this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
