that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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