party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
