I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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