i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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