The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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