My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
