Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
