So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
