mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
