Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
