And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
