We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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