I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Found your dick twin last night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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