It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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