Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
