I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
