I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
