i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
