I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How external is "for external use only"?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
