Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
