Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
