I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
