It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
