just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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