Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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