sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Your cock deserves a montage
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
