Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
