this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
