You're so nebulous sometimes
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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