can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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