I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
