He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
