Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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