Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what day is it and did you see me today?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
