his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
