so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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