I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Banned from zoo.
Again?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
