its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize