your thong is hanging out like whoa
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
