I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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