Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize