I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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