So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
two words...techno handjob
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
