My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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